Utter confusion in the committee room!
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Know your secretariat: Gossip Girl
AKA Emily Rees Brown
Official Title: Chief of Staff
Unofficial Title: Head of Committee on Social thought.
Last Occupation: Hanging with crazies down south in 'bama
Favorite website: stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com
Why you shouldn't be afraid of her: She drives a Toyota Prius
15 min of fame: V.3
Name: Alexandra Clare Raphel
Why she is featured: She said in no uncertain terms not to feature her here.
About her: She likes to talk about how she loves ackwardness, but really isn't that ackward.
Role: Staffer - JCC
15 seconds of fame - Take 2
Name: Mr Jad Steven Hopper
Role: Crisis Staffer
Origin: Beirut by way of DC.
Factoid: Wears facial hair, so he doesn't look like he is 12.
Quote:
Secretariat Member: "So what do you do?"
JSH: "Model UN, then Model UN and more Model UN."
SM: "Anything other than that?"
JSH: "Yeah, if I do anything else, I then think 'I should be doing Model UN."
(note secretariat memebers take no responsibility for the accuracy of transcriptions)
Things Get Heated in the Crisis Room
Secretariat Member: "F*** you, Clinton"
Ryan Kaminski: "Hey.....hey.......hey......."
....
...
.
Ryan Kaminski: "Hey.....hey.......hey......."
....
...
.
How to win Best Delegate at ChoMUN (I)
The purpose of this post is to keep our more competitive delegates informed on current 'Best Delegate' trends. In years past, the means of winning best delegate were relatively commonplace. Usually, they involved being tall and arrogant or small and screechy. Sometimes we actually awarded 'Best Delegate' to witches. REAL WITCHES WITH HATS. U. Chicago's most legendary Best Delegate thought he was God's gift to Pakistan, the US, high society, and cigarette vendors great and small. I often thanked my small papier mache cow for his presence in my life. THANK YOU ALMIGHTY HEIFER. Alas, the days of the winning arrogance are over.
New trends are beginning to overtake ChoMUN.
First of all, you gotta WANT that gavel. Like, more than you want a job at Goldman Sachs, more than you want to go to Harvard Law, more than you want a burrito from Chipotle..... yes, even the one with extra sour cream. If the chair can see in your eyes that you really want it, that will work to your advantage. Some of the ways to convey wanting with your eyes include batting your eye lashes, or blinking erratically. When you start blinking erratically, you will be well on your way to getting the gavel.
Next, you have to do a good deed. We here at the University of Chicago believe in kindness. More than lessons on Aristotle and Econometrics, kindness has been the key component of our undergraduate education. What constitutes a good deed? Well, if the Chief of Staff looks like she might be thirsty, you could grab her a fruit punch. If she accidentally throws the fruit punch on someone's white suit, you could get that someone a napkin. (Disclaimer: This is a hypothetical situation. The Chief of Staff is not actually a fruit punch thrower, nor does she much enjoy fruit punch. If she asks you for a drink, you should bring whiskey. Single Malt. Thank you.)
These are only a few of the new Best Delegate trends on the MUN circuit. We here at ChoMUN XI are dedicated to keeping you En Vogue. Please stay tuned for more ways to win best delegate at ChoMUN.
New trends are beginning to overtake ChoMUN.
First of all, you gotta WANT that gavel. Like, more than you want a job at Goldman Sachs, more than you want to go to Harvard Law, more than you want a burrito from Chipotle..... yes, even the one with extra sour cream. If the chair can see in your eyes that you really want it, that will work to your advantage. Some of the ways to convey wanting with your eyes include batting your eye lashes, or blinking erratically. When you start blinking erratically, you will be well on your way to getting the gavel.
Next, you have to do a good deed. We here at the University of Chicago believe in kindness. More than lessons on Aristotle and Econometrics, kindness has been the key component of our undergraduate education. What constitutes a good deed? Well, if the Chief of Staff looks like she might be thirsty, you could grab her a fruit punch. If she accidentally throws the fruit punch on someone's white suit, you could get that someone a napkin. (Disclaimer: This is a hypothetical situation. The Chief of Staff is not actually a fruit punch thrower, nor does she much enjoy fruit punch. If she asks you for a drink, you should bring whiskey. Single Malt. Thank you.)
These are only a few of the new Best Delegate trends on the MUN circuit. We here at ChoMUN XI are dedicated to keeping you En Vogue. Please stay tuned for more ways to win best delegate at ChoMUN.
A staffer gets her 15 seconds of fame.
Featured Staffer: Kathryne Ann BeneshRole: Crisis Director, Algeria (also Model UN Team President)
Reason Featured: Was the creepy member that arrived 6 hours before committee session to "set up."
Style: PTA Mom from a Northeastern liberal state
Conversation points: Hiking, Mountains, Saving the World, Subarus. (Also consulting and selling her soul- to bankroll saving the world)
Sharat Has One Suit
Sharat is a hippie from the Pacific Northwest. He is going to spend his life in Econ grad school, waxing intellectual and saying "naaah" repeatedly, while pushing up his glasses. When he gets close to finishing his dissertation, he will most likely develop a heavy lisp. That's all well and good, but in order to complete his image, Sharat only brought one suit to conference.
Granted, he promises to change his shirt and underwear every day, but his exterior will be increasingly covered in jamba juice and McDonald's chicken selects. MMMMMMMMMMMM CHICKEN SELECTS, the meatiest of all McDonald's meat.
Thanks, Sharat, USG for Committees, aka Smoodgy PANTS.
Granted, he promises to change his shirt and underwear every day, but his exterior will be increasingly covered in jamba juice and McDonald's chicken selects. MMMMMMMMMMMM CHICKEN SELECTS, the meatiest of all McDonald's meat.
Thanks, Sharat, USG for Committees, aka Smoodgy PANTS.
holla
"I'm not gonna ask any questions"
-Lilia Dobreva, Secretary General, as she opened a box to find military costumes covered in the dirt of past crisis staff.
A few hours later, Chief of Staff Emily Brown attempted to dress for opening ceremonies, draping a large scarf around her shoulders. Thankfully, Ms. Brown's "fancy dress" was done away with for the good of all involved.
-Lilia Dobreva, Secretary General, as she opened a box to find military costumes covered in the dirt of past crisis staff.
A few hours later, Chief of Staff Emily Brown attempted to dress for opening ceremonies, draping a large scarf around her shoulders. Thankfully, Ms. Brown's "fancy dress" was done away with for the good of all involved.
Rollin'
I CAN HAZ CHOMUNZ?
Noah working hard at life. Sharat, on the other hand, shipped the booklets to the wrong location. Bravo, compadre. Bravo.
Tonight, We Dine in Hell
Day 1:
Just straight chillin. The soundtrack for the hour is Mariah Carey's grand opus "Touch My Body".
Just straight chillin. The soundtrack for the hour is Mariah Carey's grand opus "Touch My Body".
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